New Year's Eve becomes New Year's Day

I have very mixed feelings about New Year's Eve-Day.

On the one hand, I love someone giving legitimacy to my desire to stay up late. I love the fact that we can all look at things we want to improve and have a socially acceptable time where we state that we are significantly flawed and need to fix it. I think it's cool that any holiday would push me to kiss my wife at midnight. I like the fact that we can get so excited about countdowns and balls dropping and many other otherwise silly things. I like that we have a built in mechanism for becoming nostalgic.

On the other hand, I feel like we are celebrating the mundane. We are actually celebrating time marching on with a random assignment of when the new year begins (it doesn't coincide with any season or anything). We are celebrating at a time randomly chosen (who determined that a new day begins at midnight anyway). It also seems to be a holiday celebrated with people, place, and activities randomly chosen (if anyone has a longstanding tradition for New Year's, please let us know in the comments).

Now, I only have two hands and when they lead me different ways, I am conflicted. In the last ten years, I've celebrated New Year's by myself watching a movie and not recognizing the precise moment, delivering pizza, going to a party with friends, watching a countdown show with a small group of people at my house, with my family out of town hoping to just manage, out of town with extended family, with Kelly possibly going into labor, with church friends, and trying to fit in a movie marathon. Some of these were tremendous and others were just OK. One thing I have noticed is that the quality of my year to come was not really based on what method I began it with.

Coming on the heels of holidays that are usually so bound to traditions, I think culturally we revel in the ability to do whatever pleases us from year to year. What I do want to recognize, however, is that celebrating the mundane is really cool. After all this is what life as a parent can be. We attempt to make a huge deal out of things that really don't amount to much. We celebrate the passage of time, the accomplishment of small things, and those moments that will never be duplicated. That's why this holiday can be the ultimate parental test.

We can celebrate this by making our kids go to bed as they normally would, we can celebrate by allowing them to recognize this shift with us, or we can make it something ceremonially huge. We are moving forward and we can't go back in time. We can't unwrite blogs or unsay words or undo actions or change the past. But we can live deliberately into the future. We can look ahead and say whatever made my life what it was doesn't have to bind me any more. I can improve my words, activities, actions, and friendships. And I think this is the essence of what we want to celebrate with these new beginnings. The problem is that most new years resolutions are dropped within a month. Most of us do not have the ability to change ourselves, our habits, and our actions. I would submit that we cannot improve ourselves without the assistance of God.

So, if you find yourself this New Year looking at the predictions of Nostradamus, the Presidential election, or just your own personal life with minimized hope, know that there is the ultimate Hope giver. It is true that God can change you, and there are many of us that would love to help you find that hope of better change!

Composition of a Family

Let me start with the obvious—no two families are the same. Each family, just like each person, is a little different. And these families play a large role in the shaping of our existence. Because of this, each and every person comes into a situation with a unique perspective. The tapestry of diversity that colors our planet aside, I think the wonderful part of having people go through similar life experience is extraordinary.

Now, I spent the first part of November blogging about several key familial relationships that played a huge role in making me who I am. I don't want to rehash all of those at this time, but one of the cool things that could be noticed is that my family has changed over the years. This is so cool to me. From babies being born to new family members moving into a house with you to growing up and creating a new family to recognizing God placing certain people in your life to the ever shifting landscape of interactions, families are not stagnant. The people I thought of when you said the word family 20 years ago is tremendously different than those I think of today, and that is one of the awesome things about families.

Some people will bemoan that their family was pitiful. And while I would not question that, the beautiful thing is that you get a chance to remake it. Whether you began as an adult who did a poor job with their family or you were a child with poor parents, you can re-write it. You can turn things around and make your family a tremendous and integrated unit. You can create a family by marrying and having children or just put together a group of ragtag people who need a group to dub a family. Families come in all shapes and sizes and a lot of them can be good.

I had an interaction today with someone who felt that their marriage was too abnormal because the wife was more outgoing and managerial aggressive. I talked with someone a month ago who was frustrated at their lack of children. Yet, I consider both of these to be great families. I guess I believe in the Sovereignty of God enough that I think if you need a mate who steps outside the norms in certain things, that is what he will give you.

I guess the real reason I think about this is because I have been moved by familial love and camaraderie lately. I started to see this in a movie Blossoms in the Dust, which I saw before Christmas. My wife and I shared a tear as we watched Anne of Green Gables and saw Matthew care for Anne. We spoke with a parent whose daughter is about to get married and another set of friends who just had a baby. We spoke with people over the Christmas holidays and we saw the variety of traditions and customs juxtaposed with a wide array of what people consider their family. And all of them are neat.

I say this, as I was recently encouraged by someone in my family, that I just need to get over my frustrations with things. I was told to create a family and set of activities and traditions that I love and will impact us. And whomever I may try to blame, the reality is my family is what I make it at this point. The same is true for most of you. If you don't like the way you fit in your family, change it. If you don't like something about your family, change it. Because the tremendous opportunity of having a wonderful, tight-knit family is one that you can't afford to continue to let bypass you!

Muddling through a December 26 world

Today the World is beginning to take down the signs that it had slowed down to celebrate the coming of the Savior. Today (or sometime later this week) the world is beginning to go back to a "normal" work world. Within a few weeks at the most, the vestiges of Christmas will be gone from collective psyche of the world, and we will return to our regular lives. From a capitalistic standpoint of maximizing production, that may be a good thing, I suppose. And while humans certainly could not live their entire existence under the frenzied pace of a week around Christmas, there is also the fact that we are returning to a culture that cares little for God, His gift, or His presence among us.

My sister and my cousin, I believe, were recently having a conversation about when it was appropriate to start playing Christmas music. I stated recently that the power of music is a part of the Christmas phenomena in this country, but I don't think that is the biggest frustration I have. I am willing to listen to Christmas music year round. I think the bigger issue I have is that people are ready to abandon Christmas music after their Christmas dinner is over on the 25^th. Not really the music, as even my godly friend Joshua Austin has questionable choices in music preferences. The fact is people are so ready to move on from Christmas easily and move into a New Year's mindset. And a New Year's mindset usually is to leave behind everything and go to a new beginning.

To me, that is a sad way to live. It might be more redemptive if we had our "new year" and then began with our celebration of Christmas. If a month of feeling Peace on Earth and Good Will toward Men started our year, would that be more powerful as a new beginning? Wherever that digression may take you, I do become saddened that we are so quick culturally to divest ourselves of the Christmas Spirit. Unfortunately, this is the attitude most of us take with us into New Years and beyond. We live in a post-Christmas world.

I see many places that assert to keep Christ in Christmas. Certainly this is a sentiment I applaud, but I can't help but notice these same places "drop Christ" after Christmas. I say we need to keep Christ throughout the year. As the Sesame Street characters sang at our visit to Sea World last week to Keep Christmas with you all through the year. We must keep Christ with us throughout our lives if He is to be any benefit to us at all.

Christ came to the world and we are currently awaiting the Consummation of the Establishing of His Kingdom here on earth! That needs to keep us looking forward more than anything. So, as I look at a December 26 world, I think we need to be just as vigilant to spread the good news. We don't live in a post-Christ world, but rather one that needs Christ as much as ever. Our efforts need to be just as thorough and our mission just as clear. Christ is come and while the world may be ready to turn its back on Him, I am ready to make my new beginning of New Year's to become more heedful than ever to the cause of Christ. Anyone with me?

The Meaning of Christmas and Tim Tebow

While the title is a method to get more readers, I do think there is something to the connection, which I will get to. The true meaning of Christmas is that the Christ child loved us, so he came to earth to pay the penalty for our sins. When I think of the greatness and momentousness of that gift, I continually stand in awe. I think of the reality of actually being God, yet not considering equality with God something to be grasped. That is tremendous!

While this will doubtlessly be unpacked for you by preachers far more skilled than I over tonight's services and church tomorrow (as an aside, how awesome is it when we get to go to church on Christmas day!), I will give you a brief summation from my perspective. As we read the pages of Scripture, the coming of Jesus is not relegated to a simple story of a single event, but rather it is central to the entirety of the book. From the very beginning, we see that God created us to honor him. All of the Bible points to the coming of the Christ child and what He accomplishes for us. This is quite a profound understanding when it is grasped. Sometimes the understanding of this is assisted in its accomplishment with other humans who can exemplify characteristics of God in our lives, so they can point us to that one perfect example we have—that same Jesus who came to earth for us, lo those many years ago.

I recently spoke with a friend of mine who was expressing frustration that some aspects of Christmas, particularly some of the Christmas music, was consigned to a small period of time, while the Scriptures do not speak of the first advent as anything of the sort. Christ's coming is the very lifeblood of the entirety of the text that has the power to transform our lives by being profitable for doctrine, for reproof, for correction, and for instruction in righteousness. So while this is a time when the world slows down to recognize it, the meaning of Christmas is present, necessary, and needed throughout our lives at every point of the year.

One of the ways God chooses to show us of the coming of His son (in Matthew 1) is by delineating His heritage. One of the highlighted people in this genealogy, as well as many other places throughout Scripture, is David. David is described in the Scriptures (Acts 13:22 and 1 Samuel 13:13-14) as a man after God's own heart. David was not only the ancestor of Christ according to the flesh, but he possessed many of the attitudes that were later perfected by Christ, which should characterize all of us who are disciples of Christ.

David, among other things, showed a love for the Scriptures, prayer, and praising God, while hating everything that would take you away from this Truth. He clearly was not perfect, nor is he meant to be the one we are to solely emulate. Nevertheless, as the story of the Christ child coming to earth is woven throughout the fabric of Scripture, so is our call to respond to that message. And I believe the force of that message is one that makes some from a postmodern culture of pluralism bristle. But at this time of year, we can most get away with proclaiming the exclusivity of Christ—as He states, He is The Way. There is no other way to the Father! There is no other way to Salvation.

If the only story in Scripture were of a baby coming, that would be a nice story, but it would not be complete. I feel that too often, we want to put this Christmas season in a box. Jesus came to earth; that is amazing. When I think of the Wondrous sacrifice that a King coming into a land filled with people who are His sworn enemies (until He gives them the strength to not be so), I cannot help but recognize how awesome of a sacrifice that is. Nevertheless coming did not accomplish the task by itself. He had to live a perfect life for many years and then be worthy of taking on the atonement of others, as He did not need personal atonement. Then he actually had to become the propitiation for our sins. And all of that together is an incredible thing that He accomplished. And because he accomplished it and proved to be the way, we can begin to mirror these characteristics.

Mirroring these characteristics means we will lead lives that make people bristle, similar to the claims of our Lord. We see from Daniel in the Old Testament that he was chosen as a youth to be trained. He refused to eat the meat of earthly king, even though almost any nutritionist, even today, will tell you that building strength is more easily accomplished through protein intake. Yet Daniel tested above and beyond those who had the superior diet and training. It finally became so apparent that God's hand was on Daniel that he became a trusted adviser to kings. This made others so angry that they wanted to get him in trouble. In searching for skeletons in his closet, the only thing on which they could criticize him was that he prayed and served the Lord.

Perhaps the similarities between Daniel and Tim Tebow are obvious to you or maybe you don't see it at all. Tebow is one who despite methods which virtually everyone agrees are inferior is accomplishing great things. The only criticism that can stick is that he gives too much credit to God. Yet I would tell Tim, as I am sure his advisers are also doing, that this is a criticism worth having. As I have now entered the part of my life where I am most concerned with the rearing of my children, I submit that I would love for my kids to look to Tebow's actions and mimic them. I'm sure he isn't perfect, but much like David he reflects many of the qualities, which can only be perfected in Christ. He is willing to accept criticism and actually learn from it. He is respectful. He diverts praise and takes blame. He is willing to take unpopular stands and stand by what he believes. All things which I would love for my kids to reproduce.

This replication of the life of Christ is not something that just happens with wishful thinking or crafty methods. As I stated earlier, Jesus is The Way! He is the very personification of the truth and life, which requires us to need a Savior. By ourselves, we are enemies of God. We plot terrible things, don't even understand the vastness of our under performance, run from the things of God, and have no fear of God or peace. Precisely because of that atoning work, we can receive the gifts of the One who lived a perfect life. One of the wonderful things of this atonement is that it wasn't just accomplished so that we could avoid punishment. It was accomplished so that we can serve the One who gave it, live for Him, and begin to reflect Him more.

That then is the true meaning of Christmas. Christ came, lived a perfect life, took our sin, died, and rose again. Therefore we can begin to reflect God. Thanks be to God for his Unspeakable gift. This gift, its recognition and understanding, and acceptance thereby are what we need to get from Christmas, and I think even Tim Tebow may agree!

It's Christmas Time. What should we do?

Certainly there will be some point in the next several days where I am motivated to talk about the true meaning of Christmas. But as for right now in my house, I am especially motivated to talk about various traditions, what should go into our tradition choices, and what is the benefit of tradition anyway? I believe there is no time period of the year where more traditions are done, but there is also less thought put into the consideration of decisions on what to do than Christmas. In my opinion, people do things just because others do them and that isn't really the best decision making module.

First, I look at what are the benefits of traditions. While it may yield a wonderful song in Fiddler on a Roof, the benefits of tradition are somewhat nebulous to many. But we show value in those things we tradition-ize. That is to say, the things out of which we make a tradition are one being shown value in that act. The benefit is that these are very real pictures to those who come behind us, to those who see and interact with us, and to those who have no idea who we are. You see our traditions shape our reputation. While it could always be argued that our character is more important than our reputation, it is true that our reputation is largely molded from our character.

At any rate, I think that the internal benefit of tradition is the ability to do things that we believe are beneficial to our life without much need for consideration. It can be a way to develop good habits (of course that is why we need to try the traditions before they become such, because it also makes an easy development of bad habits possible). For those of of us with children, we know that their memories are fashioned by singular events, henceforth they will remember those things that are done the most often, the most. Therefore, we should do and perform those things regularly that are most advantageous to the reputation we wish to have.

Knowing that the decisions we make for various traditions are made up of choices made early, I have decided to not do anything thoughtlessly. This means that many people consider me to be strange, but I look at every decision made about Christmas celebration. While it may seem weird, I encourage everyone else to do it also. With that in mind, there are a few things that really assist our family in celebrating Christmas. Here they are.

• We go to a Christmas tree farm, where we take a hayride, go in a human maze, ride ponies (until we get too big and are required to go to horses), and ride a zip-line. We never buy a tree there, but we find the atmosphere really gets us in the Christmas spirit. We have a load of fun, we sing songs, we see friends, and we begin the discussion of how Jesus was born.
• We go look at Christmas lights. It allows us to have a discussion of how the star in Scripture was followed. Even though I do not believe the "wise men" arrived at his birth, it still is part of the story that shows the magnitude of God's Sovereignty.
• We listen to Christmas music. I'm not sure how redemptive it is, but it is happy! Christmas is one time, where all over the place you can have people who are completely anti-God for eleven months sing about the God they are actively rejecting. It makes it a great time to evangelize. I've been able to share my faith easily and without irritation to people at the supermarket, the bank, the courthouse, restaurants, and just about everywhere I go. We know how powerful music is in every other area of life, so it is no surprise that music plays a big role in that environment.
• We go to Sea World. While I don't necessarily think the people who perform or write the shows at Sea World have correct theology on everything, it is nice to go to a theme park, where there are thousands of people from all over the world, listening to a rudimentary presentation of the gospel. Literally thousands sing in Shamu Stadium, "Long lay the World in sin and error pining!"
• We go to a Christmas Eve Service. Just a great way to celebrate the holiday. It's kinda cool when Christmas falls on Sunday like this year, but the cultural phenomena of going to a service on Christmas Eve is powerful to both my kids and me.
• Finally, we have a Christmas Day breakfast. We don't do presents at it. We have over some friends and family, while I present a small story of why Christmas is important. Just as the symbolism of writing your first check after getting paid to the church shows what our "first fruits" are. We communicate what we care about by timing and doing a breakfast focusing on Christ first thing on Christmas morning symbolizes the first thing we think about the holiday.

Now none of these may work for you, but those are the things that have helped our family keep the proper focus on Christmas. We are not perfect and we certainly aren't the same as everyone else. We do think it is important to be mindful of all we do, as our children are picking up on our traditions, and we want to make them worthwhile!

Blossoms in the Dust

I really am a sucker for a good Christmas movie. I love the sentimentality of White Christmas, the profundity of It's a Wonderful Life, and even the feel-good nature of movies like Earnest Saves Christmas and All I Want for Christmas. The problem is several years back I became a father. And while those are all enjoyable movies, I find the first two to not be great at entertaining my children and the last two to be integrating the concept of Santa Claus. Now perhaps that is another whole discussion-worthy topic, but we decided not to teach anything to our children that was false. Therefore, during the impressionable years, that excludes Santa undertones.

So, that leads to my sister recommending a movie to me, as she details in the fifth reply down on this comment. Then this Christmas, Jenni finds the movie in a four pack of movies at her Sam's up there in Tallahassee. So, I run to Sam's to find it, and I guess my Sam's was either sold out or just less cool than hers. At any rate, I find a four pack of movies that the descriptions on the back made it seem like I had totally missed out on.

While I think there is something to say about lost movie gems that maneuvered their way under the collective radar, I will save that for another day. And while this four pack of movies contained a movie that I found hysterical, a nice romantic comedy, and quite possibly the best tear-jerker ever, I feel some weird need to review the 4th movie—Blossoms in the Dust. SPOILER ALERT.

Frankly, I am a fan of comedies and this is by no means a comedy. I like titles that I understand, and I have no idea where the title came from. I wanted to watch Christmas movies with my kids, and I'm not sure this is an appropriate movie for preschool girls. The movie is very slow to build. It starts with a weird array of facts that just seem far-fetched even within the spectrum of a movie. It starts with a man stealing a fiancée from another man without much real substance. Then the stolen fiancée's sister commits suicide for reasons that today would make no sense. Then she is sick in childbirth to the extent she cannot have more children, then her five-year-old son dies in an accident that just seems impossible. She copes in a way that really seems trite for about eight years. Then her husband tries to "trick" her into adopting a daughter. This resolves with her immediately turning into the person she essentially continues to be for the rest of the movie.

Now this is a movie based on a true story, which always leaves a tendency for gaps if it remains true to the story or fiction if it diverges from the story. So forgiving those things, the woman herself was really inspiring. As a human of my age, I remain uneducated on many things that happened before my birth, but I found it amazing that people discriminated based on the birth parents of adopted kids. I found it amazing that single mothers used to put their kids up for adoption because they had no other option. I found it amazing that birth certificates used to say "illegitimate" if the circumstances met that definition.

You can watch the preview, here. Edna Gladney fought for the aforementioned things; all of them. You could see how even the terrible things in her life (and the good things, too) were used to make her better at her purpose. She never gave up. She was focused. She was undeterred. And I found myself wanting to be like her. I found myself thankful that the world is as it is now, so the things that she fought against aren't prevalent. I was glad that we seem to have good homes for children without parents and committed people working those homes, though I wish I could more definitively know this to be true. I found myself wanting to be as focused, committed, and undeterred as her. I found myself hoping that I had as noble of a cause as she did. And I found myself hoping that it didn't take a proverbial slap upside the head after years of wasting opportunities to get me started. All-in-all the movie really convicted me.

And when you randomly come across an oddly named movie that you only saw because you were trying to find a movie your sister recommends and then you decide to watch it, you've gotta hope for some emotion. As a guy who never watches movies to be inspired, I found it refreshing. Though I have no idea how it is a Christmas movie, and I'm not sure I would recommend it, at the minimum, read the story of Edna Gladney and see what she accomplished. A really nice story of a lady, of whose name nor work I had never heard.

Prioritizing Being a Good Friend and Christian

Today will be an interesting day for me. My friends who stood by me and have been loyal to me in so many ways are practicing an alteration of theological doctrine. They are still my friends and I know them to be regenerate, but I must admit it is always a struggle when people change their mind to be different than our opinion.

In general, I think we spend so much time talking with people to get them to accept what we think as truth, that we find it an easy transition when they begin to agree with us. On the other hand, I think it is an almost impossible transition when people begin to disagree with us. And yet, with all the conviction we have, big or small, almost all people disagree with us on something. So, getting along with people with whom we disagree is probably something we should work on.

It is a part of the human ego that we must be correct on everything. While I can clearly accept the theoretical position that I am incorrect on something, I definitely don't know what it is, because if I did, I would change my position on that. So, I think I am correct on everything (and I am not alone in this thought process). And it is a big blow to my ego when someone with whom I used to agree now disagrees with me.

But I know it isn't a personal thing when someone changes their mind against my position. It is someone coming to a new conclusion. A conclusion, which by the very proposition of the theoretical is one with which I disagree. But many of these disagreements are not things which should test or challenge our fellowship. I was inspired yesterday, by my friend David Poston, who wrote a note about how the cause of Christ is furthered most by us staying on point.

Now clearly there are issues, which are important enough for us to draw a divide. Thank God for men like Martin Luther, whose courage, resolve, and fortitude on these issues gave us a holiday, like Reformation Day. But when we decide that it is something that does not require this kind of stand, I think we need to determine how we can support our Christian friends.

I think of the account of Abraham taking Isaac to be sacrificed. Abraham knew that Isaac, who had been promised to him for decades, was headed directly to destruction. He knew that Isaac was going to die. Yet, they walked together. I think we need to be like that. When we have a fellow brother who is walking toward his own doom. It could be a reflection of God's personal sacrifice, and of Christ's love for us in so completely trusting and obeying the Father. I think if we could show this kind of attachment to the plan of God, even when we are traveling with someone that we think is headed for destruction. And today, I aim to do that by supporting my friends, who have changed their position on an issue on which I now disagree with them.

My life is the best! I hesitate to say that, not because I don't believe it (because I know it's true), but rather for fear of the potential reality that God may take it away from me. Knowing that suffering may be a reality, I am in a wonderful season of awesomeness. I have been blessed beyond comprehension when considering and realizing that I have a great job, a fantastic family, wonderful friends, and small blessings all over that are too numerous to count.

I recently read my friend's thoughts on

Wrongfully Accused

I had the great fortune of meeting a new friend today, who, by all indications, was Wrongfully Accused of doing something. We seem to be culturally exposed to many fictional accounts of people who meet such a description. My dad watched a TV series called The Fugitive in his youth. There are remakes of that show, in addition to a few other shows, like Burn Notice, Wrongfully Convicted, and The Innocence Project, to name a few, that have a similar situation. There are also many movies where we look at people who are indicted to varying degrees, while we, as the audience, know the truth.

Apparently, it has been determined that it is good entertainment to see someone who is innocent treated as if they are not. It has never been my personal favorite, but I usually only like movies if I can laugh at them. I have another friend who along with me seems to have pushed a hot button with a third party, as we have been blamed for everything that has gone wrong with said third party for the last year or so. From the receiving end, it certainly isn't fun, especially when it seems like someone just has a vendetta against you. So, why do we like it so much?

To be honest, I think it is about forgiveness, and we love to see someone who puts up with a tremendous amount and overcomes it, then decides that he doesn't need to hold a grudge. I think we like that because it is hardly ever attained in the real world. We like those things that we think we should do, but we just cannot bring ourselves to do. I think this is why Tim Tebow is so popular. He stands for something and is incredibly nice to those who are only seeking to discredit him. We all want to be like him, we just aren't.

But this concept led me into a discussion with a good friend, Joshua Austin, about whether we must offer forgiveness even if the person does not repent. I kind of came to this conclusion: Yes. If we do not forgive, it builds bitterness in us, and we are ultimately the ones harmed. Now, this is where I think it is important to remember how I defined Forgiveness. Because clearly, we should not be foolish people. To allow people to continually let you down because you refuse to use discernment is not a philosophy that I condone. By the same token, our lack of trust in someone does not mean that we need to harbor bitterness toward someone.

Nevertheless, I feel we must forgive those who wrongfully accuse us. As Christians, I think the Bible tells us to love our enemies and bless them. We are told to turn the other cheek when someone smacks us. Yes, I think withdrawing our personal hold of wrath over them is essential. But we need to come out of it wiser. When someone wrongfully accuses us, we should glean what we can, adjust our lives, and release the feeling of a hold we have.

This is where it gets difficult. Because if the person refuses to ask for forgiveness, eventually we must treat them, according to Matthew 18, as a heathen. At this point, Christians know that while non-Christians are responsible for their actions, we know from the Scripture, particularly this passage, that they will not attain it. So, unregenerate people are people we are generally chronically forgiving. Likewise we cannot trust them with the same responsibilities. So, we need to let it go and forgive that person, even when we were Wrongfully Accused. This is just so difficult to do, that when we see someone who is able to live above the fray like that, we idolize it. But, wow, what a difficult way to live.

When did that happen?

This has become one of my favorite questions recently, and not just because my memory is slipping because of my advanced age. It is quite true that my memory is slipping, but that is not the reason this statement has plagued my lexicon recently. Lexicon is such a great word, in my opinion, and I honestly think it is underused in the general American...well, lexicon. At any rate, I see that I have gotten off point, which, I guess, kind of proves my point that I am losing my memory. Nevertheless, the reason I find myself continually asking the question is because I find myself changing.

The reason I ask myself this, is because, I seem to have progressed in maturity strata without ever noticing. I certainly don't feel more mature than I did when I was eighteen, but clearly others see me in this light. We all see the world through our own prism or point of view. Therefore every situation you view is naturally slanted toward that perspective. I don't believe I am alone in this feeling, but I think all of our ego-centrism sees ourselves as neither old nor young, but rather smack in the middle of the bell curve of normal. So when we are twelve, eighteen-year-old's seem old, twenty five year old's seem ancient, and six year old's are immature little creeps. This timeline advances along with our age.

So, when I realized at some point in the last week that everyone I know sees me as an adult of some sort, I have to ask myself, "When did that happen?" My friend Marissa Thomas stated what I have long believed, "We don't stop playing because we grow old; we grow old because we stop playing!" And while that seems to suggest that my chronic goofing-off can somehow make me still be young, the reality is that no one ever questions me as a chaperon any more, that people actually never ask for my ID when they see my résumé, and I fall asleep at awkward times when trying to just do mundane things. So, I felt led to ask if there is a singular, discernible moment when you become an adult?

Clearly in my case, I cannot point to that one moment, but I am now faced with the realization that is has happened. So, what do I need to do in view of this? I mean, it is what it is. I am now stuck in this bodily encapsulation of adulthood. Now that I am here, I realize that I have a more profound platform. People actually ask for my opinion. People ask me to do things to assist them. When teenagers are debating something, they actually ask me to make the final decision. I realize that because much is given, much is required. I think this is not only true of the big, obvious talents, but even these small bequeaths of authority and acceptance require us to act with an understanding that our decisions have consequences.

As someone who now accepts his adulthood, I feel I have the responsibility to be slow to speak, quick to listen, and slow to be angry. I have the responsibility to be educated (as a sidebar, nothing irritates me more than someone who claims to not need to be learned on a subject; if you exist and a subject comes up, you should learn about it) and well-versed on a variety of topics. I have the responsibility to be helpful without excessive prodding. I have the responsibility to serve other people. I have the responsibility to admit when I am less than knowledgeable on a subject, and I have the responsibility to rectify that when it happens.

While I cannot point to when I became an adult, I do want the answer to my follow-up question (Does a waiting period from then until you become a respected one exist?) to be that my waiting period is as small as possible. I want to be respected, and I want to do the things necessary to get there. Now, if only I could remember what those things were...

Get down to the Heart of the Matter

Recently I received a message from a friend where a supposed mutual friend wanted a message delivered to me that my forgiveness is inadequate. The truth is that all of us are insufficient in the quality of our pardoning, so I do take the roundabout rebuke for what it's worth. Yet, I think there is so much more to it than that. Forgiveness is a word used so broadly that I think it deserves a plunge into great scrutiny.

The first aspect of forgiveness is that you release your hold of irritation over someone for having wronged you. I think this is the base meaning of forgiveness. This is easy to comprehend but exceedingly difficult to practice. As humans, we feel the need to hold on to things (some reasons are contained hereafter). We want to react in a way that is intelligent, and we often think that necessitates our lack of forgiveness. I am so thankful that God, in His forgiveness, does not hold anything back. I want to do better at that, and I am taking the reprimand, which I received third hand, as an exhortation for me to be more Christ-like in my forgiveness. I am frequently reminded by my friend, Michael Phillips, that my forgiveness doesn't even necessarily require an apology (and that often may not come).

This is, however, where my understanding of forgiveness may veer sharply from the opinion of others. You see, to completely forget the act that necessitated the forgiveness is to smack in the face of Wisdom. Today happens to be my father’s birthday (his Sixtieth!). My father is an incredible father, and one thing I learned from him is that the forgiveness was unconditional, but the consequences of that act remained. For example, he verified my statements through other means shortly after I had clearly lied to him. Moreover, I am not alone in my penalty-laden sins.

I had another friend (I'm pulling out new friends to keep you on your toes and impress you) once, named Jason. Jason had been involved in a long-term series of actions that caused great pain to some around us. Then one Sunday, Jason realized the error of his way, confessed, and promised himself and everyone within earshot that his life had changed. The reality was it had changed. Yet when he returned to his workaday world on Monday, he was shocked to see that everyone (including those to whom he apologized and had granted him forgiveness) treated him pretty much the same. You see, their wisdom precluded them from making immediate changes. This took time.

And while wisdom should clothe our forgiveness, wisdom is not limited to the reality that it takes time for what we are becoming to actually be who we are and then for that reputation to be known. There is also an aspect of a permanent sentence for our offenses. When you are Jerry Sandusky, no amount of restoration should put you in charge of a children’s charity. The reality is that when you sin, you may apologize, you may be granted forgiveness, and enough time may have passed for most to believe your restoration complete, yet you may not be able to continue in what you are doing.

This is the crux of the difference between my definition of forgiveness and that of my supposed friend. I diverge in that I can forgive—I can even believe that it may not happen again. Nevertheless, I refuse to allow someone who has a history of battering children to work with children in a full time capacity for a living. Particularly where the apology was not given to everyone. There just needs to be more discernment used. There are many other ways to make a living available, and I do not believe that someone who has been abusive should be quickly given access to people where the same type of abuse can happen. And to me that does not diminish my forgiveness.

A Tale of Two Friends

"Friend" Number One is a great person by all accounts. He has a wonderful reputation in the community. I've played football with him and watched sports in his home. We've eaten together, and enjoyed good times of fellowship. This friend seemed to support me and speak well of me, as we agreed our way through life for much of the last several years. He has watched my kids and been a profound influence on their lives.

"Friend" Number Two is a decent person by reputation and doesn't have any huge issues. I don't know him very well, and it seems like our interests are not as in sync as could be. I've never had a complete fellowship experience, and I don't think our families have really met. We passed by each other on a few occasions and exchanged pleasantries. His influence on the lives of me and my family has heretofore been slight.

Recently, however, I went through a difficult time. I was, in my mind, wrongfully accused of some things. At any rate, I was questioned by a few people in some situations. In this situation, both of my "friends" had the opportunity to speak to it. "Friend" Number One told me something to my face, but in the group, he did not back me up. "Friend" Number Two, on the other hand, stood up for me. Valued the things I felt were important and was unwavering in the face of criticisms and questions.

Which of these two would you say was my friend?

I think we all know that it is "friend" number two, and most of us wouldn't need to really consider it. The fact is that shared history, shared interests, and familial connections can provide depth to a relationship, but they certainly are not enough on their own. They do not give us a real relationship. Real friendships are defined by how our "friends" treat us when the chips are down. They are defined by who will defend you when you aren't around. They are defined by who will defend you when you are wrongfully accused.

O Give me a Number of Friends who dislike sports, all you can eat restaurants, and talking business. Give me friends who dislike what I like but are true friends when the tough time comes. Continue to reveal to me that those who share interests who are not really friends. You see, I believe that difficult times merely reveal what is already there. I want to find out the false friends now, so I can start to develop memories and history with the people who have different interests, but a heart of gold when it matters most!

So you think you know it all?

I have long been a student of many different things. The good aspect of this is that I know a lot of stuff about a broad range of subjects. One mantra that I do believe firmly is that all education can be beneficial and that if you apply it that it can help you become a success. Now for reasons that even I don't fully understand, I have decided to work in Real Estate for the most part. This inevitably leads to one major question from most people, "Isn't Real Estate doing terribly right now?"

I have an immediate gag-reflex reaction where I want to describe to people that real estate isn't as bad as you've heard and that you are much better off investing in real estate than in any other investment right now. While I could go off on that for a while (and I may a little later in this very blog), that is not usually the first response I give to people. The first response I normally have to that question is that even if we were in a gloom and doom real estate economy, being a real estate professional is about knowing the proper decisions to make, so that a novice investor is able to make a smart, educated decision. I guess even though stocks have really dropped precipitously as a whole recently, the average person does not feel as if the situation warrants every stock broker to retire and give up his craft. Why do they expect that of real estate?

I guess I am somewhat irritated by the fact that because it is something that the average person doesn't understand that we should just give up the profession altogether. The reality is that nothing is further from the truth. The less you know about a medical condition, the more likely you are to see a doctor. The scarier the legal notice that someone receives in the mail, the more likely they are to call an attorney. The more money you place with your bookie, the more likely you are to seek help (OK, the kind of help you should seek is probably not anyone HELPING you with bets, but...). The more dire your marriage, the more you need counseling. We see it in so many areas that the statement is self evident. The less you understand about real estate, the more you should consult with a professional about what decisions you should make.

The problem is that people don't. They allow fear-mongering to rule their lives. They rent, when they could buy. They refuse to invest in real estate for fear that values may go down. The reality is that now is a historically great time to buy real estate. Now that doesn't mean that you should put a 2005 mentality on and leverage yourself to the max and just hope it all pans out. That was a bad decision then (as many people are finding out) and it's a bad decision now. The difference is that if you sunk all your money (or hoped-for money through a loan) in something other than real estate, you probably lost it all there too. And yet, you do not have the government offering forgiveness for shortfalls there, while people selling their houses that were over-leveraged are being forgiven debts all over the place. Many clients consider it a failure if they cannot get more than 50% of their debt forgiven. Imagine that. Name one other investment where more than half of your debt can be forgiven. Just try.

Now, let's talk about the fact that it is no longer 2005. Banks, in general, are not giving out over-zealous money anymore. Further, the government is not encouraging them to do so. They are once again protecting us from ourselves. Further, it has never been a better time to buy, rather than rent. Right now, on average for my county, for every $100 of rental value, the same house can be purchased for about $53. Consider that you could get a house almost twice is big as the one you are renting for the same payment, if you bought. Or rather, consider that for just over half of what you are paying to rent, you could own the same house.

And none of this considers the fact that you get value out of the use of your investment, even if the "value" of the investment goes down. If your stock goes down, you lose money without exception. If a home value goes down, you can still recoup the money. If it's your home, unless you were going to be homeless, you are just paying what you would otherwise pay. If it is an investment, you can collect rent each month. Both of these are actual value added to the investment.

But the truth is that none of this probably matters. If you've read this far and you disagree with me, you are probably just looking for evidence to rebut what I say, and honestly, this advice is so generic it doesn't evaluate every contingency. You could probably come up with a precisely defined set of criteria that make you a poor buyer. But those of us who do it for a living are seeing people make 20% on their money in 3-4 months, which is easily over 50% annualized. And those that are holding on to properties to live in are getting way more than they would in a rental situation. Those who are holding on to investments are making more than in almost any other investment these days. Sure there is a risk. If there weren't, there wouldn't be opportunity. But, that risk is seeing larger rewards than at just about any time since the Great Depression.

Remember that it is those who are out in front of the curve who have the most success. Some will reject my educated point of view, because they think they know more about it. That is the biggest problem with it all. The perception of those who don't live and die by the industry thinking they know it all is the same kind of ignorance I display when I ignore my doctor's advice. It is the same logic that will keep many potential investors from capitalizing on this "Garage Sale for the Rich" that is going on with Real Estate right now. And that is the worst kind of obtuse to be!

Little Anonymous Blessings

My wife called me at work to inform me that an anonymous, kind-hearted individual paid for her lunch today. This got me thinking that there are many times when people do kind things for us and we do not know who performed the good deed, yet we reap the benefits. The great thing about these random acts of anonymous kindness is that you get to enjoy them and you never feel like you "owe somebody one." This is really good for me, because I feel in a constant state of debt to all those around me that help me with anything, from the exceedingly menial to the profound.

So as I am in admiration of these noble people who do wonderful things and ask for no credit in return, I am forced to ask myself do I ever do things like that. While I am sure that it has happened a time or two, I am faced with the realization that I am not one to be kind to people just so they are benefited. I think I am one of those people who are up-front and when I do things, I want the credit. I sometimes think that is bad, and I begin to do some deep thinking on the subject. So, before I send out the question, I guess I will share with you my thoughts.

Is it bad to want credit for doing a nice act for someone else? I guess that boils down to a couple of things. First, for what purpose do you actually want the credit? Second, from whom do you want the credit? Maybe I should answer these in reverse. Because if you do something good for someone and then that good thing you did turns out to be a secret motive to have that person like you or think good of you, it really isn't that good of a deed, now is it? It seems to me like it is more of a down payment on a hoped-for and anticipated friendship. Now becoming friends with someone can indeed be noble, but I'm not sure the good deed done to begin it can be seen as entirely noble. On the other hand, if you want a third party to like the good deed you did as a byproduct of your kindness to another, it might just be that you need to seek professional help. Please contact a good counselor. And I guess all this would lead me to a discussion of, "Is there a Selfless good deed?"

But to answer the first question, is to give someone a reason for altruistic purposes. I know I criticized anyone seeking the glory of someone by doing a good deed, but when we consider the intent of wanting that glory, I concede that you could possibly be trying to let your light so shine so that when others see you they would glorify God. Wanting credit to point to Someone or some cause that is great can be a legitimate motive. Of course, then the question is does that pointing to God cause you to get puffed up in your own conceit?

As you can tell, I am having some cognitive dissonance with this whole thing. But then, I ask myself does that mean I should avoid doing good altogether. And, of course, the answer to that is a resounding no. While, I am certainly not perfect in my response to glory given for doing good, and I also have a tendency to tout my greatness to those who may have missed me do that "good" thing, I think it is clear that we should do good. The problem is that we need to reform our response to it. Question 62 in the Larger Heidelberg Catechism has always convicted me in this way.

So, my prayer is that before someone gives me a really simple answer to this longtime conundrum of mine (please do, by the way), that you pray for me. Pray that I will do good. That I will do it not for the glory it may bring. That I will do it not for the glory I may get, but that I would do it to reflect God. Then after my reflection that I would continue to pass all praise to Him. That I would cease to be a "glory hog" of things for which man find me meritorious. My good friend, Josh Austin, is always good at keeping me on my toes and allowing me to see that those for whom I have affection in this world are merely those in whom God's abundant grace shines through more profoundly. May I be one who can answer to that description!

Ten Dollars an Hour?

Every so often, even a loquacious guy like me can feel as if he doesn't really have anything to say; and paying $10/hour for the internet in the airport, which gives me the ability to “say” it to an actual audience, seems ridiculous. Actually, I feel like I have a lot of things to say, but not very much on any of them in particular. My life has been a whirlwind lately, and I guess my thoughts are just trying to keep up. I am in the midst of teaching a real estate broker's course, where I am taking the time to evaluate all of my professional decisions of the last several years. Unfortunately, I have learned that I need to be more vigilant professionally to make sure that I follow the correct laws, promote the proper image of myself, and position myself to be a success into the next decade. I should do it more often, but I am glad that these three guys are challenging every presupposition I have and not letting me skate through on anything.

The class was a nice surrounding to the Thanksgiving holiday that everyone knows I love so much. But that Thanksgiving holiday is also a great possibility for me. While it may not be my favorite holiday, and it seems incredibly random (what is the actual reason for holiday redemption that we have?), it is a holiday that consistently challenges me to look beyond myself. I appreciate the fact that there is an annual reminder that there are things we do that we may not want to do. As we rear our children, that seems to be occurring more and more, but that typically comes relatively easily for a father who loves his children. Getting a chance to be something for others when you don't want to do it is a real bonus that I don't get to do very often now that I make my own decisions. And for that opportunity, I am grateful, but I am also grateful that I get to step back into my life that I love so much.

We took a few days off from the aforementioned class for a weekend Bible quiz tournament that I was assisting to run in Wisconsin. Bible Quiz tournaments are always challenging to me for a few reasons. First, the students not only keep me on my toes, but they often exhort me to be better at the things I do. Whether it is organizing a tournament, keeping stats, asking questions, or even just attending chapel, I am frequently told that I am doing well, but I can try a few things to be better. These are things that not only motivate me and keep me humble, but they also serve to endear me to the students. So many of them are so vigilant in their desire to walk worthy of their calling that I cannot help but be committed to the task.

Then there are those airports, where as I discussed in my last blog, many people are irritated all the time. I walk in and am almost immediately tempted to get irritated. The passengers in front of me are carrying a dog in their luggage. It's obvious that they are. I find it annoying that someone would try to sneak a dog onto a flight. It is a nuisance to the other passengers. My Aunt Pat recently forwarded me an article by Rabbi Shmuley Boteach, where he talks about people like to discrimnate against kids on a flight. As irritated as that may make you, certainly a dog would have to be more annoying, particularly one stored in a carry-on bag stowed in the above seat luggage carrying compartment. But more than anything, I think it's cruel to the dogs. As a non-dog owner there could be some kind of code of which I am unaware, whereby putting a dog in a bag and pretending like it isn't there works on all flights less than seven hours, but come on. Spare the dog the misery and choose some form of travel that isn't Air Tran! Nevertheless, applying the happiness principal I learned from my flight two days ago, I will rejoice in the fact that I will be home soon even if these nincompoops are on my flight.

At the aforementioned tournament, we were challenged by Pastor Scott and Pastor Fuller. They were quite motivating, as they challenged us to make sure that the verses we learn don't just stay in our heads, but that we allow them to come into our hearts and transform our lives. That is something that I've been hearing since elementary school, and I never need to stop hearing it. As the closing service talked about the author of John (that's John, just in case you needed to know), who does whatever he can to take the focus off of himself. He refers to himself as "the disciple whom Jesus loved." As I begin to think about that, I realize that is the description that I want to burrow into my brain. If only one set of verses makes that 11 inch journey from my brain to my heart, I want it to be to mirror John. You see, describing yourself as the one who Jesus loves eliminates pretenses and presumed merit. The reality is that I, too, am just some schlob that Jesus loves. I am something not because what I did was meritorious, but because Jesus loved me. He loved me when I was utterly unlovable (a state some say I still possess).

If all these "challenges" that I am undergoing are doing something to sharpen me, I can be thankful that God put them there at the exact serendipitous moment, so that I could become less of that annoying person. That is the great thing about being someone who Jesus loves—it transforms you. He loves you when you are unlovable, but that love makes you more lovable. This is the great thing about all these situations I find myself in. I know that they are working for my benefit. I know that the situation where irritation comes my way is an opportunity. I know that people who challenge me are a blessing. I know that kids who want me to be better are a gift. The one thing I don’t get is why it costs $10/hour for internet at the airport.