Let me start with a note that while there are many definitions for nirvana, I am simply using it as a synonym for paradise. It is also a somewhat ironic title, as I will explain if you read the rest of this blog! About a month ago, I started a blog that somehow I just never finished. For those of you who doubt me, read here. As I really sit back and look at my life, I see that I have gone through several seasons where it was altogether great. Yet, for some reason they have not lasted. In almost all the cases, I was a contributor to the break-up.
Looking at the seasons of your life is always an interesting adventure. The first season of my life was as a child. My sister, who happens to be the same age as me right now, was usually far more content to live as a child, while I was more anxious to push into the privileges and responsibilities that were before me. It wasn't until later, that I was so anxious to ruin a great situation. My parents were fantastic parents, I didn't have any concerns, cares, or bills. My elementary and high school were so awesome that I still value many aspects of it and am sending my son there this year. Why was I so eager to move on?
As a recent college graduate, I got a job as a curriculum coordinator and adjunct professor at (what was then) Belhaven College. It was a tremendous environment, where education was a tremendous backdrop, the conversations were sophisticated and my job was to study the Bible and see how we could inject it into our worldview curriculum. I loved coming to work every day. I thoroughly enjoyed working with the full time professors attempting to get solid educational curriculum to the students. Studying the Bible and throwing theories back and forth with Melvin Holder was a delight. I have many friends from that period. Why did I decide I needed to leave?
A year ago I had a job I loved with a bunch of friends, where we were accomplishing fantastic things. Yet a few months ago, I left (I guess I decided a new church and school were not enough change in my life). I am still melancholy about leaving from time to time, as I think about the feeling of going in to work previously. The discussions we would have, the nicknames we gave out, the lunches we had together, and the Tuesday meetings which went horribly wrong are all so memorable. As I look back and see that our entire group has been divided into several different places, I feel guilty as I was the one who started the mass exodus. Why was I so anxious to take another opportunity?
Now, why am I taking this odd trip down memory lane? First, it is somewhat cathartic to talk about it. But also, I am (more and more, all the time) beginning to realize that what seems like a perfect situation is certainly not so, and while I may wax nostalgic about all these situations (and many more), the reality is there was a reason that I left them all. God is using all these situations to mold me and make me into a better person. I am constantly becoming more and more fit for the journey. Most of all, I am grateful that God allows us to enjoy the things He has for us at the time, so that we can wax poetic later, even after we've left and moved on to the new plan He has for us!