I had the great fortune of meeting a new friend today, who, by all indications, was Wrongfully Accused of doing something. We seem to be culturally exposed to many fictional accounts of people who meet such a description. My dad watched a TV series called The Fugitive in his youth. There are remakes of that show, in addition to a few other shows, like Burn Notice, Wrongfully Convicted, and The Innocence Project, to name a few, that have a similar situation. There are also many movies where we look at people who are indicted to varying degrees, while we, as the audience, know the truth.
Apparently, it has been determined that it is good entertainment to see someone who is innocent treated as if they are not. It has never been my personal favorite, but I usually only like movies if I can laugh at them. I have another friend who along with me seems to have pushed a hot button with a third party, as we have been blamed for everything that has gone wrong with said third party for the last year or so. From the receiving end, it certainly isn't fun, especially when it seems like someone just has a vendetta against you. So, why do we like it so much?
To be honest, I think it is about forgiveness, and we love to see someone who puts up with a tremendous amount and overcomes it, then decides that he doesn't need to hold a grudge. I think we like that because it is hardly ever attained in the real world. We like those things that we think we should do, but we just cannot bring ourselves to do. I think this is why Tim Tebow is so popular. He stands for something and is incredibly nice to those who are only seeking to discredit him. We all want to be like him, we just aren't.
But this concept led me into a discussion with a good friend, Joshua Austin, about whether we must offer forgiveness even if the person does not repent. I kind of came to this conclusion: Yes. If we do not forgive, it builds bitterness in us, and we are ultimately the ones harmed. Now, this is where I think it is important to remember how I defined Forgiveness. Because clearly, we should not be foolish people. To allow people to continually let you down because you refuse to use discernment is not a philosophy that I condone. By the same token, our lack of trust in someone does not mean that we need to harbor bitterness toward someone.
Nevertheless, I feel we must forgive those who wrongfully accuse us. As Christians, I think the Bible tells us to love our enemies and bless them. We are told to turn the other cheek when someone smacks us. Yes, I think withdrawing our personal hold of wrath over them is essential. But we need to come out of it wiser. When someone wrongfully accuses us, we should glean what we can, adjust our lives, and release the feeling of a hold we have.
This is where it gets difficult. Because if the person refuses to ask for forgiveness, eventually we must treat them, according to Matthew 18, as a heathen. At this point, Christians know that while non-Christians are responsible for their actions, we know from the Scripture, particularly this passage, that they will not attain it. So, unregenerate people are people we are generally chronically forgiving. Likewise we cannot trust them with the same responsibilities. So, we need to let it go and forgive that person, even when we were Wrongfully Accused. This is just so difficult to do, that when we see someone who is able to live above the fray like that, we idolize it. But, wow, what a difficult way to live.
Wednesday, December 14, 2011
Monday, December 12, 2011
When did that happen?
This has become one of my favorite questions recently, and not just because my memory is slipping because of my advanced age. It is quite true that my memory is slipping, but that is not the reason this statement has plagued my lexicon recently. Lexicon is such a great word, in my opinion, and I honestly think it is underused in the general American...well, lexicon. At any rate, I see that I have gotten off point, which, I guess, kind of proves my point that I am losing my memory. Nevertheless, the reason I find myself continually asking the question is because I find myself changing.
The reason I ask myself this, is because, I seem to have progressed in maturity strata without ever noticing. I certainly don't feel more mature than I did when I was eighteen, but clearly others see me in this light. We all see the world through our own prism or point of view. Therefore every situation you view is naturally slanted toward that perspective. I don't believe I am alone in this feeling, but I think all of our ego-centrism sees ourselves as neither old nor young, but rather smack in the middle of the bell curve of normal. So when we are twelve, eighteen-year-old's seem old, twenty five year old's seem ancient, and six year old's are immature little creeps. This timeline advances along with our age.
So, when I realized at some point in the last week that everyone I know sees me as an adult of some sort, I have to ask myself, "When did that happen?" My friend Marissa Thomas stated what I have long believed, "We don't stop playing because we grow old; we grow old because we stop playing!" And while that seems to suggest that my chronic goofing-off can somehow make me still be young, the reality is that no one ever questions me as a chaperon any more, that people actually never ask for my ID when they see my résumé, and I fall asleep at awkward times when trying to just do mundane things. So, I felt led to ask if there is a singular, discernible moment when you become an adult?
Clearly in my case, I cannot point to that one moment, but I am now faced with the realization that is has happened. So, what do I need to do in view of this? I mean, it is what it is. I am now stuck in this bodily encapsulation of adulthood. Now that I am here, I realize that I have a more profound platform. People actually ask for my opinion. People ask me to do things to assist them. When teenagers are debating something, they actually ask me to make the final decision. I realize that because much is given, much is required. I think this is not only true of the big, obvious talents, but even these small bequeaths of authority and acceptance require us to act with an understanding that our decisions have consequences.
As someone who now accepts his adulthood, I feel I have the responsibility to be slow to speak, quick to listen, and slow to be angry. I have the responsibility to be educated (as a sidebar, nothing irritates me more than someone who claims to not need to be learned on a subject; if you exist and a subject comes up, you should learn about it) and well-versed on a variety of topics. I have the responsibility to be helpful without excessive prodding. I have the responsibility to serve other people. I have the responsibility to admit when I am less than knowledgeable on a subject, and I have the responsibility to rectify that when it happens.
While I cannot point to when I became an adult, I do want the answer to my follow-up question (Does a waiting period from then until you become a respected one exist?) to be that my waiting period is as small as possible. I want to be respected, and I want to do the things necessary to get there. Now, if only I could remember what those things were...
The reason I ask myself this, is because, I seem to have progressed in maturity strata without ever noticing. I certainly don't feel more mature than I did when I was eighteen, but clearly others see me in this light. We all see the world through our own prism or point of view. Therefore every situation you view is naturally slanted toward that perspective. I don't believe I am alone in this feeling, but I think all of our ego-centrism sees ourselves as neither old nor young, but rather smack in the middle of the bell curve of normal. So when we are twelve, eighteen-year-old's seem old, twenty five year old's seem ancient, and six year old's are immature little creeps. This timeline advances along with our age.
So, when I realized at some point in the last week that everyone I know sees me as an adult of some sort, I have to ask myself, "When did that happen?" My friend Marissa Thomas stated what I have long believed, "We don't stop playing because we grow old; we grow old because we stop playing!" And while that seems to suggest that my chronic goofing-off can somehow make me still be young, the reality is that no one ever questions me as a chaperon any more, that people actually never ask for my ID when they see my résumé, and I fall asleep at awkward times when trying to just do mundane things. So, I felt led to ask if there is a singular, discernible moment when you become an adult?
Clearly in my case, I cannot point to that one moment, but I am now faced with the realization that is has happened. So, what do I need to do in view of this? I mean, it is what it is. I am now stuck in this bodily encapsulation of adulthood. Now that I am here, I realize that I have a more profound platform. People actually ask for my opinion. People ask me to do things to assist them. When teenagers are debating something, they actually ask me to make the final decision. I realize that because much is given, much is required. I think this is not only true of the big, obvious talents, but even these small bequeaths of authority and acceptance require us to act with an understanding that our decisions have consequences.
As someone who now accepts his adulthood, I feel I have the responsibility to be slow to speak, quick to listen, and slow to be angry. I have the responsibility to be educated (as a sidebar, nothing irritates me more than someone who claims to not need to be learned on a subject; if you exist and a subject comes up, you should learn about it) and well-versed on a variety of topics. I have the responsibility to be helpful without excessive prodding. I have the responsibility to serve other people. I have the responsibility to admit when I am less than knowledgeable on a subject, and I have the responsibility to rectify that when it happens.
While I cannot point to when I became an adult, I do want the answer to my follow-up question (Does a waiting period from then until you become a respected one exist?) to be that my waiting period is as small as possible. I want to be respected, and I want to do the things necessary to get there. Now, if only I could remember what those things were...
Saturday, December 10, 2011
Get down to the Heart of the Matter
Recently I received a message from a friend where a supposed mutual friend wanted a message delivered to me that my forgiveness is inadequate. The truth is that all of us are insufficient in the quality of our pardoning, so I do take the roundabout rebuke for what it's worth. Yet, I think there is so much more to it than that. Forgiveness is a word used so broadly that I think it deserves a plunge into great scrutiny.
The first aspect of forgiveness is that you release your hold of irritation over someone for having wronged you. I think this is the base meaning of forgiveness. This is easy to comprehend but exceedingly difficult to practice. As humans, we feel the need to hold on to things (some reasons are contained hereafter). We want to react in a way that is intelligent, and we often think that necessitates our lack of forgiveness. I am so thankful that God, in His forgiveness, does not hold anything back. I want to do better at that, and I am taking the reprimand, which I received third hand, as an exhortation for me to be more Christ-like in my forgiveness. I am frequently reminded by my friend, Michael Phillips, that my forgiveness doesn't even necessarily require an apology (and that often may not come).
This is, however, where my understanding of forgiveness may veer sharply from the opinion of others. You see, to completely forget the act that necessitated the forgiveness is to smack in the face of Wisdom. Today happens to be my father’s birthday (his Sixtieth!). My father is an incredible father, and one thing I learned from him is that the forgiveness was unconditional, but the consequences of that act remained. For example, he verified my statements through other means shortly after I had clearly lied to him. Moreover, I am not alone in my penalty-laden sins.
I had another friend (I'm pulling out new friends to keep you on your toes and impress you) once, named Jason. Jason had been involved in a long-term series of actions that caused great pain to some around us. Then one Sunday, Jason realized the error of his way, confessed, and promised himself and everyone within earshot that his life had changed. The reality was it had changed. Yet when he returned to his workaday world on Monday, he was shocked to see that everyone (including those to whom he apologized and had granted him forgiveness) treated him pretty much the same. You see, their wisdom precluded them from making immediate changes. This took time.
And while wisdom should clothe our forgiveness, wisdom is not limited to the reality that it takes time for what we are becoming to actually be who we are and then for that reputation to be known. There is also an aspect of a permanent sentence for our offenses. When you are Jerry Sandusky, no amount of restoration should put you in charge of a children’s charity. The reality is that when you sin, you may apologize, you may be granted forgiveness, and enough time may have passed for most to believe your restoration complete, yet you may not be able to continue in what you are doing.
This is the crux of the difference between my definition of forgiveness and that of my supposed friend. I diverge in that I can forgive—I can even believe that it may not happen again. Nevertheless, I refuse to allow someone who has a history of battering children to work with children in a full time capacity for a living. Particularly where the apology was not given to everyone. There just needs to be more discernment used. There are many other ways to make a living available, and I do not believe that someone who has been abusive should be quickly given access to people where the same type of abuse can happen. And to me that does not diminish my forgiveness.
The first aspect of forgiveness is that you release your hold of irritation over someone for having wronged you. I think this is the base meaning of forgiveness. This is easy to comprehend but exceedingly difficult to practice. As humans, we feel the need to hold on to things (some reasons are contained hereafter). We want to react in a way that is intelligent, and we often think that necessitates our lack of forgiveness. I am so thankful that God, in His forgiveness, does not hold anything back. I want to do better at that, and I am taking the reprimand, which I received third hand, as an exhortation for me to be more Christ-like in my forgiveness. I am frequently reminded by my friend, Michael Phillips, that my forgiveness doesn't even necessarily require an apology (and that often may not come).
This is, however, where my understanding of forgiveness may veer sharply from the opinion of others. You see, to completely forget the act that necessitated the forgiveness is to smack in the face of Wisdom. Today happens to be my father’s birthday (his Sixtieth!). My father is an incredible father, and one thing I learned from him is that the forgiveness was unconditional, but the consequences of that act remained. For example, he verified my statements through other means shortly after I had clearly lied to him. Moreover, I am not alone in my penalty-laden sins.
I had another friend (I'm pulling out new friends to keep you on your toes and impress you) once, named Jason. Jason had been involved in a long-term series of actions that caused great pain to some around us. Then one Sunday, Jason realized the error of his way, confessed, and promised himself and everyone within earshot that his life had changed. The reality was it had changed. Yet when he returned to his workaday world on Monday, he was shocked to see that everyone (including those to whom he apologized and had granted him forgiveness) treated him pretty much the same. You see, their wisdom precluded them from making immediate changes. This took time.
And while wisdom should clothe our forgiveness, wisdom is not limited to the reality that it takes time for what we are becoming to actually be who we are and then for that reputation to be known. There is also an aspect of a permanent sentence for our offenses. When you are Jerry Sandusky, no amount of restoration should put you in charge of a children’s charity. The reality is that when you sin, you may apologize, you may be granted forgiveness, and enough time may have passed for most to believe your restoration complete, yet you may not be able to continue in what you are doing.
This is the crux of the difference between my definition of forgiveness and that of my supposed friend. I diverge in that I can forgive—I can even believe that it may not happen again. Nevertheless, I refuse to allow someone who has a history of battering children to work with children in a full time capacity for a living. Particularly where the apology was not given to everyone. There just needs to be more discernment used. There are many other ways to make a living available, and I do not believe that someone who has been abusive should be quickly given access to people where the same type of abuse can happen. And to me that does not diminish my forgiveness.
Thursday, December 8, 2011
A Tale of Two Friends
"Friend" Number One is a great person by all accounts. He has a wonderful reputation in the community. I've played football with him and watched sports in his home. We've eaten together, and enjoyed good times of fellowship. This friend seemed to support me and speak well of me, as we agreed our way through life for much of the last several years. He has watched my kids and been a profound influence on their lives.
"Friend" Number Two is a decent person by reputation and doesn't have any huge issues. I don't know him very well, and it seems like our interests are not as in sync as could be. I've never had a complete fellowship experience, and I don't think our families have really met. We passed by each other on a few occasions and exchanged pleasantries. His influence on the lives of me and my family has heretofore been slight.
Recently, however, I went through a difficult time. I was, in my mind, wrongfully accused of some things. At any rate, I was questioned by a few people in some situations. In this situation, both of my "friends" had the opportunity to speak to it. "Friend" Number One told me something to my face, but in the group, he did not back me up. "Friend" Number Two, on the other hand, stood up for me. Valued the things I felt were important and was unwavering in the face of criticisms and questions.
I think we all know that it is "friend" number two, and most of us wouldn't need to really consider it. The fact is that shared history, shared interests, and familial connections can provide depth to a relationship, but they certainly are not enough on their own. They do not give us a real relationship. Real friendships are defined by how our "friends" treat us when the chips are down. They are defined by who will defend you when you aren't around. They are defined by who will defend you when you are wrongfully accused.
O Give me a Number of Friends who dislike sports, all you can eat restaurants, and talking business. Give me friends who dislike what I like but are true friends when the tough time comes. Continue to reveal to me that those who share interests who are not really friends. You see, I believe that difficult times merely reveal what is already there. I want to find out the false friends now, so I can start to develop memories and history with the people who have different interests, but a heart of gold when it matters most!
"Friend" Number Two is a decent person by reputation and doesn't have any huge issues. I don't know him very well, and it seems like our interests are not as in sync as could be. I've never had a complete fellowship experience, and I don't think our families have really met. We passed by each other on a few occasions and exchanged pleasantries. His influence on the lives of me and my family has heretofore been slight.
Recently, however, I went through a difficult time. I was, in my mind, wrongfully accused of some things. At any rate, I was questioned by a few people in some situations. In this situation, both of my "friends" had the opportunity to speak to it. "Friend" Number One told me something to my face, but in the group, he did not back me up. "Friend" Number Two, on the other hand, stood up for me. Valued the things I felt were important and was unwavering in the face of criticisms and questions.
Which of these two would you say was my friend?
I think we all know that it is "friend" number two, and most of us wouldn't need to really consider it. The fact is that shared history, shared interests, and familial connections can provide depth to a relationship, but they certainly are not enough on their own. They do not give us a real relationship. Real friendships are defined by how our "friends" treat us when the chips are down. They are defined by who will defend you when you aren't around. They are defined by who will defend you when you are wrongfully accused.
O Give me a Number of Friends who dislike sports, all you can eat restaurants, and talking business. Give me friends who dislike what I like but are true friends when the tough time comes. Continue to reveal to me that those who share interests who are not really friends. You see, I believe that difficult times merely reveal what is already there. I want to find out the false friends now, so I can start to develop memories and history with the people who have different interests, but a heart of gold when it matters most!
Tuesday, December 6, 2011
So you think you know it all?
I have long been a student of many different things. The good aspect of this is that I know a lot of stuff about a broad range of subjects. One mantra that I do believe firmly is that all education can be beneficial and that if you apply it that it can help you become a success. Now for reasons that even I don't fully understand, I have decided to work in Real Estate for the most part. This inevitably leads to one major question from most people, "Isn't Real Estate doing terribly right now?"
I have an immediate gag-reflex reaction where I want to describe to people that real estate isn't as bad as you've heard and that you are much better off investing in real estate than in any other investment right now. While I could go off on that for a while (and I may a little later in this very blog), that is not usually the first response I give to people. The first response I normally have to that question is that even if we were in a gloom and doom real estate economy, being a real estate professional is about knowing the proper decisions to make, so that a novice investor is able to make a smart, educated decision. I guess even though stocks have really dropped precipitously as a whole recently, the average person does not feel as if the situation warrants every stock broker to retire and give up his craft. Why do they expect that of real estate?
I guess I am somewhat irritated by the fact that because it is something that the average person doesn't understand that we should just give up the profession altogether. The reality is that nothing is further from the truth. The less you know about a medical condition, the more likely you are to see a doctor. The scarier the legal notice that someone receives in the mail, the more likely they are to call an attorney. The more money you place with your bookie, the more likely you are to seek help (OK, the kind of help you should seek is probably not anyone HELPING you with bets, but...). The more dire your marriage, the more you need counseling. We see it in so many areas that the statement is self evident. The less you understand about real estate, the more you should consult with a professional about what decisions you should make.
The problem is that people don't. They allow fear-mongering to rule their lives. They rent, when they could buy. They refuse to invest in real estate for fear that values may go down. The reality is that now is a historically great time to buy real estate. Now that doesn't mean that you should put a 2005 mentality on and leverage yourself to the max and just hope it all pans out. That was a bad decision then (as many people are finding out) and it's a bad decision now. The difference is that if you sunk all your money (or hoped-for money through a loan) in something other than real estate, you probably lost it all there too. And yet, you do not have the government offering forgiveness for shortfalls there, while people selling their houses that were over-leveraged are being forgiven debts all over the place. Many clients consider it a failure if they cannot get more than 50% of their debt forgiven. Imagine that. Name one other investment where more than half of your debt can be forgiven. Just try.
Now, let's talk about the fact that it is no longer 2005. Banks, in general, are not giving out over-zealous money anymore. Further, the government is not encouraging them to do so. They are once again protecting us from ourselves. Further, it has never been a better time to buy, rather than rent. Right now, on average for my county, for every $100 of rental value, the same house can be purchased for about $53. Consider that you could get a house almost twice is big as the one you are renting for the same payment, if you bought. Or rather, consider that for just over half of what you are paying to rent, you could own the same house.
And none of this considers the fact that you get value out of the use of your investment, even if the "value" of the investment goes down. If your stock goes down, you lose money without exception. If a home value goes down, you can still recoup the money. If it's your home, unless you were going to be homeless, you are just paying what you would otherwise pay. If it is an investment, you can collect rent each month. Both of these are actual value added to the investment.
But the truth is that none of this probably matters. If you've read this far and you disagree with me, you are probably just looking for evidence to rebut what I say, and honestly, this advice is so generic it doesn't evaluate every contingency. You could probably come up with a precisely defined set of criteria that make you a poor buyer. But those of us who do it for a living are seeing people make 20% on their money in 3-4 months, which is easily over 50% annualized. And those that are holding on to properties to live in are getting way more than they would in a rental situation. Those who are holding on to investments are making more than in almost any other investment these days. Sure there is a risk. If there weren't, there wouldn't be opportunity. But, that risk is seeing larger rewards than at just about any time since the Great Depression.
Remember that it is those who are out in front of the curve who have the most success. Some will reject my educated point of view, because they think they know more about it. That is the biggest problem with it all. The perception of those who don't live and die by the industry thinking they know it all is the same kind of ignorance I display when I ignore my doctor's advice. It is the same logic that will keep many potential investors from capitalizing on this "Garage Sale for the Rich" that is going on with Real Estate right now. And that is the worst kind of obtuse to be!
I have an immediate gag-reflex reaction where I want to describe to people that real estate isn't as bad as you've heard and that you are much better off investing in real estate than in any other investment right now. While I could go off on that for a while (and I may a little later in this very blog), that is not usually the first response I give to people. The first response I normally have to that question is that even if we were in a gloom and doom real estate economy, being a real estate professional is about knowing the proper decisions to make, so that a novice investor is able to make a smart, educated decision. I guess even though stocks have really dropped precipitously as a whole recently, the average person does not feel as if the situation warrants every stock broker to retire and give up his craft. Why do they expect that of real estate?
I guess I am somewhat irritated by the fact that because it is something that the average person doesn't understand that we should just give up the profession altogether. The reality is that nothing is further from the truth. The less you know about a medical condition, the more likely you are to see a doctor. The scarier the legal notice that someone receives in the mail, the more likely they are to call an attorney. The more money you place with your bookie, the more likely you are to seek help (OK, the kind of help you should seek is probably not anyone HELPING you with bets, but...). The more dire your marriage, the more you need counseling. We see it in so many areas that the statement is self evident. The less you understand about real estate, the more you should consult with a professional about what decisions you should make.
The problem is that people don't. They allow fear-mongering to rule their lives. They rent, when they could buy. They refuse to invest in real estate for fear that values may go down. The reality is that now is a historically great time to buy real estate. Now that doesn't mean that you should put a 2005 mentality on and leverage yourself to the max and just hope it all pans out. That was a bad decision then (as many people are finding out) and it's a bad decision now. The difference is that if you sunk all your money (or hoped-for money through a loan) in something other than real estate, you probably lost it all there too. And yet, you do not have the government offering forgiveness for shortfalls there, while people selling their houses that were over-leveraged are being forgiven debts all over the place. Many clients consider it a failure if they cannot get more than 50% of their debt forgiven. Imagine that. Name one other investment where more than half of your debt can be forgiven. Just try.
Now, let's talk about the fact that it is no longer 2005. Banks, in general, are not giving out over-zealous money anymore. Further, the government is not encouraging them to do so. They are once again protecting us from ourselves. Further, it has never been a better time to buy, rather than rent. Right now, on average for my county, for every $100 of rental value, the same house can be purchased for about $53. Consider that you could get a house almost twice is big as the one you are renting for the same payment, if you bought. Or rather, consider that for just over half of what you are paying to rent, you could own the same house.
And none of this considers the fact that you get value out of the use of your investment, even if the "value" of the investment goes down. If your stock goes down, you lose money without exception. If a home value goes down, you can still recoup the money. If it's your home, unless you were going to be homeless, you are just paying what you would otherwise pay. If it is an investment, you can collect rent each month. Both of these are actual value added to the investment.
But the truth is that none of this probably matters. If you've read this far and you disagree with me, you are probably just looking for evidence to rebut what I say, and honestly, this advice is so generic it doesn't evaluate every contingency. You could probably come up with a precisely defined set of criteria that make you a poor buyer. But those of us who do it for a living are seeing people make 20% on their money in 3-4 months, which is easily over 50% annualized. And those that are holding on to properties to live in are getting way more than they would in a rental situation. Those who are holding on to investments are making more than in almost any other investment these days. Sure there is a risk. If there weren't, there wouldn't be opportunity. But, that risk is seeing larger rewards than at just about any time since the Great Depression.
Remember that it is those who are out in front of the curve who have the most success. Some will reject my educated point of view, because they think they know more about it. That is the biggest problem with it all. The perception of those who don't live and die by the industry thinking they know it all is the same kind of ignorance I display when I ignore my doctor's advice. It is the same logic that will keep many potential investors from capitalizing on this "Garage Sale for the Rich" that is going on with Real Estate right now. And that is the worst kind of obtuse to be!
Sunday, December 4, 2011
Little Anonymous Blessings
My wife called me at work to inform me that an anonymous, kind-hearted individual paid for her lunch today. This got me thinking that there are many times when people do kind things for us and we do not know who performed the good deed, yet we reap the benefits. The great thing about these random acts of anonymous kindness is that you get to enjoy them and you never feel like you "owe somebody one." This is really good for me, because I feel in a constant state of debt to all those around me that help me with anything, from the exceedingly menial to the profound.
So as I am in admiration of these noble people who do wonderful things and ask for no credit in return, I am forced to ask myself do I ever do things like that. While I am sure that it has happened a time or two, I am faced with the realization that I am not one to be kind to people just so they are benefited. I think I am one of those people who are up-front and when I do things, I want the credit. I sometimes think that is bad, and I begin to do some deep thinking on the subject. So, before I send out the question, I guess I will share with you my thoughts.
Is it bad to want credit for doing a nice act for someone else? I guess that boils down to a couple of things. First, for what purpose do you actually want the credit? Second, from whom do you want the credit? Maybe I should answer these in reverse. Because if you do something good for someone and then that good thing you did turns out to be a secret motive to have that person like you or think good of you, it really isn't that good of a deed, now is it? It seems to me like it is more of a down payment on a hoped-for and anticipated friendship. Now becoming friends with someone can indeed be noble, but I'm not sure the good deed done to begin it can be seen as entirely noble. On the other hand, if you want a third party to like the good deed you did as a byproduct of your kindness to another, it might just be that you need to seek professional help. Please contact a good counselor. And I guess all this would lead me to a discussion of, "Is there a Selfless good deed?"
But to answer the first question, is to give someone a reason for altruistic purposes. I know I criticized anyone seeking the glory of someone by doing a good deed, but when we consider the intent of wanting that glory, I concede that you could possibly be trying to let your light so shine so that when others see you they would glorify God. Wanting credit to point to Someone or some cause that is great can be a legitimate motive. Of course, then the question is does that pointing to God cause you to get puffed up in your own conceit?
As you can tell, I am having some cognitive dissonance with this whole thing. But then, I ask myself does that mean I should avoid doing good altogether. And, of course, the answer to that is a resounding no. While, I am certainly not perfect in my response to glory given for doing good, and I also have a tendency to tout my greatness to those who may have missed me do that "good" thing, I think it is clear that we should do good. The problem is that we need to reform our response to it. Question 62 in the Larger Heidelberg Catechism has always convicted me in this way.
So, my prayer is that before someone gives me a really simple answer to this longtime conundrum of mine (please do, by the way), that you pray for me. Pray that I will do good. That I will do it not for the glory it may bring. That I will do it not for the glory I may get, but that I would do it to reflect God. Then after my reflection that I would continue to pass all praise to Him. That I would cease to be a "glory hog" of things for which man find me meritorious. My good friend, Josh Austin, is always good at keeping me on my toes and allowing me to see that those for whom I have affection in this world are merely those in whom God's abundant grace shines through more profoundly. May I be one who can answer to that description!
So as I am in admiration of these noble people who do wonderful things and ask for no credit in return, I am forced to ask myself do I ever do things like that. While I am sure that it has happened a time or two, I am faced with the realization that I am not one to be kind to people just so they are benefited. I think I am one of those people who are up-front and when I do things, I want the credit. I sometimes think that is bad, and I begin to do some deep thinking on the subject. So, before I send out the question, I guess I will share with you my thoughts.
Is it bad to want credit for doing a nice act for someone else? I guess that boils down to a couple of things. First, for what purpose do you actually want the credit? Second, from whom do you want the credit? Maybe I should answer these in reverse. Because if you do something good for someone and then that good thing you did turns out to be a secret motive to have that person like you or think good of you, it really isn't that good of a deed, now is it? It seems to me like it is more of a down payment on a hoped-for and anticipated friendship. Now becoming friends with someone can indeed be noble, but I'm not sure the good deed done to begin it can be seen as entirely noble. On the other hand, if you want a third party to like the good deed you did as a byproduct of your kindness to another, it might just be that you need to seek professional help. Please contact a good counselor. And I guess all this would lead me to a discussion of, "Is there a Selfless good deed?"
But to answer the first question, is to give someone a reason for altruistic purposes. I know I criticized anyone seeking the glory of someone by doing a good deed, but when we consider the intent of wanting that glory, I concede that you could possibly be trying to let your light so shine so that when others see you they would glorify God. Wanting credit to point to Someone or some cause that is great can be a legitimate motive. Of course, then the question is does that pointing to God cause you to get puffed up in your own conceit?
As you can tell, I am having some cognitive dissonance with this whole thing. But then, I ask myself does that mean I should avoid doing good altogether. And, of course, the answer to that is a resounding no. While, I am certainly not perfect in my response to glory given for doing good, and I also have a tendency to tout my greatness to those who may have missed me do that "good" thing, I think it is clear that we should do good. The problem is that we need to reform our response to it. Question 62 in the Larger Heidelberg Catechism has always convicted me in this way.
So, my prayer is that before someone gives me a really simple answer to this longtime conundrum of mine (please do, by the way), that you pray for me. Pray that I will do good. That I will do it not for the glory it may bring. That I will do it not for the glory I may get, but that I would do it to reflect God. Then after my reflection that I would continue to pass all praise to Him. That I would cease to be a "glory hog" of things for which man find me meritorious. My good friend, Josh Austin, is always good at keeping me on my toes and allowing me to see that those for whom I have affection in this world are merely those in whom God's abundant grace shines through more profoundly. May I be one who can answer to that description!
Friday, December 2, 2011
Ten Dollars an Hour?
Every so often, even a loquacious guy like me can feel as if he doesn't really have anything to say; and paying $10/hour for the internet in the airport, which gives me the ability to “say” it to an actual audience, seems ridiculous. Actually, I feel like I have a lot of things to say, but not very much on any of them in particular. My life has been a whirlwind lately, and I guess my thoughts are just trying to keep up. I am in the midst of teaching a real estate broker's course, where I am taking the time to evaluate all of my professional decisions of the last several years. Unfortunately, I have learned that I need to be more vigilant professionally to make sure that I follow the correct laws, promote the proper image of myself, and position myself to be a success into the next decade. I should do it more often, but I am glad that these three guys are challenging every presupposition I have and not letting me skate through on anything.
The class was a nice surrounding to the Thanksgiving holiday that everyone knows I love so much. But that Thanksgiving holiday is also a great possibility for me. While it may not be my favorite holiday, and it seems incredibly random (what is the actual reason for holiday redemption that we have?), it is a holiday that consistently challenges me to look beyond myself. I appreciate the fact that there is an annual reminder that there are things we do that we may not want to do. As we rear our children, that seems to be occurring more and more, but that typically comes relatively easily for a father who loves his children. Getting a chance to be something for others when you don't want to do it is a real bonus that I don't get to do very often now that I make my own decisions. And for that opportunity, I am grateful, but I am also grateful that I get to step back into my life that I love so much.
We took a few days off from the aforementioned class for a weekend Bible quiz tournament that I was assisting to run in Wisconsin. Bible Quiz tournaments are always challenging to me for a few reasons. First, the students not only keep me on my toes, but they often exhort me to be better at the things I do. Whether it is organizing a tournament, keeping stats, asking questions, or even just attending chapel, I am frequently told that I am doing well, but I can try a few things to be better. These are things that not only motivate me and keep me humble, but they also serve to endear me to the students. So many of them are so vigilant in their desire to walk worthy of their calling that I cannot help but be committed to the task.
Then there are those airports, where as I discussed in my last blog, many people are irritated all the time. I walk in and am almost immediately tempted to get irritated. The passengers in front of me are carrying a dog in their luggage. It's obvious that they are. I find it annoying that someone would try to sneak a dog onto a flight. It is a nuisance to the other passengers. My Aunt Pat recently forwarded me an article by Rabbi Shmuley Boteach, where he talks about people like to discrimnate against kids on a flight. As irritated as that may make you, certainly a dog would have to be more annoying, particularly one stored in a carry-on bag stowed in the above seat luggage carrying compartment. But more than anything, I think it's cruel to the dogs. As a non-dog owner there could be some kind of code of which I am unaware, whereby putting a dog in a bag and pretending like it isn't there works on all flights less than seven hours, but come on. Spare the dog the misery and choose some form of travel that isn't Air Tran! Nevertheless, applying the happiness principal I learned from my flight two days ago, I will rejoice in the fact that I will be home soon even if these nincompoops are on my flight.
At the aforementioned tournament, we were challenged by Pastor Scott and Pastor Fuller. They were quite motivating, as they challenged us to make sure that the verses we learn don't just stay in our heads, but that we allow them to come into our hearts and transform our lives. That is something that I've been hearing since elementary school, and I never need to stop hearing it. As the closing service talked about the author of John (that's John, just in case you needed to know), who does whatever he can to take the focus off of himself. He refers to himself as "the disciple whom Jesus loved." As I begin to think about that, I realize that is the description that I want to burrow into my brain. If only one set of verses makes that 11 inch journey from my brain to my heart, I want it to be to mirror John. You see, describing yourself as the one who Jesus loves eliminates pretenses and presumed merit. The reality is that I, too, am just some schlob that Jesus loves. I am something not because what I did was meritorious, but because Jesus loved me. He loved me when I was utterly unlovable (a state some say I still possess).
If all these "challenges" that I am undergoing are doing something to sharpen me, I can be thankful that God put them there at the exact serendipitous moment, so that I could become less of that annoying person. That is the great thing about being someone who Jesus loves—it transforms you. He loves you when you are unlovable, but that love makes you more lovable. This is the great thing about all these situations I find myself in. I know that they are working for my benefit. I know that the situation where irritation comes my way is an opportunity. I know that people who challenge me are a blessing. I know that kids who want me to be better are a gift. The one thing I don’t get is why it costs $10/hour for internet at the airport.
The class was a nice surrounding to the Thanksgiving holiday that everyone knows I love so much. But that Thanksgiving holiday is also a great possibility for me. While it may not be my favorite holiday, and it seems incredibly random (what is the actual reason for holiday redemption that we have?), it is a holiday that consistently challenges me to look beyond myself. I appreciate the fact that there is an annual reminder that there are things we do that we may not want to do. As we rear our children, that seems to be occurring more and more, but that typically comes relatively easily for a father who loves his children. Getting a chance to be something for others when you don't want to do it is a real bonus that I don't get to do very often now that I make my own decisions. And for that opportunity, I am grateful, but I am also grateful that I get to step back into my life that I love so much.
We took a few days off from the aforementioned class for a weekend Bible quiz tournament that I was assisting to run in Wisconsin. Bible Quiz tournaments are always challenging to me for a few reasons. First, the students not only keep me on my toes, but they often exhort me to be better at the things I do. Whether it is organizing a tournament, keeping stats, asking questions, or even just attending chapel, I am frequently told that I am doing well, but I can try a few things to be better. These are things that not only motivate me and keep me humble, but they also serve to endear me to the students. So many of them are so vigilant in their desire to walk worthy of their calling that I cannot help but be committed to the task.
Then there are those airports, where as I discussed in my last blog, many people are irritated all the time. I walk in and am almost immediately tempted to get irritated. The passengers in front of me are carrying a dog in their luggage. It's obvious that they are. I find it annoying that someone would try to sneak a dog onto a flight. It is a nuisance to the other passengers. My Aunt Pat recently forwarded me an article by Rabbi Shmuley Boteach, where he talks about people like to discrimnate against kids on a flight. As irritated as that may make you, certainly a dog would have to be more annoying, particularly one stored in a carry-on bag stowed in the above seat luggage carrying compartment. But more than anything, I think it's cruel to the dogs. As a non-dog owner there could be some kind of code of which I am unaware, whereby putting a dog in a bag and pretending like it isn't there works on all flights less than seven hours, but come on. Spare the dog the misery and choose some form of travel that isn't Air Tran! Nevertheless, applying the happiness principal I learned from my flight two days ago, I will rejoice in the fact that I will be home soon even if these nincompoops are on my flight.
At the aforementioned tournament, we were challenged by Pastor Scott and Pastor Fuller. They were quite motivating, as they challenged us to make sure that the verses we learn don't just stay in our heads, but that we allow them to come into our hearts and transform our lives. That is something that I've been hearing since elementary school, and I never need to stop hearing it. As the closing service talked about the author of John (that's John, just in case you needed to know), who does whatever he can to take the focus off of himself. He refers to himself as "the disciple whom Jesus loved." As I begin to think about that, I realize that is the description that I want to burrow into my brain. If only one set of verses makes that 11 inch journey from my brain to my heart, I want it to be to mirror John. You see, describing yourself as the one who Jesus loves eliminates pretenses and presumed merit. The reality is that I, too, am just some schlob that Jesus loves. I am something not because what I did was meritorious, but because Jesus loved me. He loved me when I was utterly unlovable (a state some say I still possess).
If all these "challenges" that I am undergoing are doing something to sharpen me, I can be thankful that God put them there at the exact serendipitous moment, so that I could become less of that annoying person. That is the great thing about being someone who Jesus loves—it transforms you. He loves you when you are unlovable, but that love makes you more lovable. This is the great thing about all these situations I find myself in. I know that they are working for my benefit. I know that the situation where irritation comes my way is an opportunity. I know that people who challenge me are a blessing. I know that kids who want me to be better are a gift. The one thing I don’t get is why it costs $10/hour for internet at the airport.
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